A Letter to Tanya C. Butz, Outraged Virginia Woman

Dear Outraged Virginia Woman,

First, since your name is missing from every account we could find, we've decided your name is Tanya C. Butz.

According to the story, early one morning you were walking your sensitive son to school when you decided to cut through your neighbor's yard. Naturally curious as to what was going on inside his home, you spied Mr. Eric Williamson standing all nekkid and stuff in his kitchen. Then, to be sure you saw what you saw, you crept around to another window and sure enough, there this pervert stood, making coffee in his kitchen, shame hose and filthy bits on full display.

Naturally, you called the cops and Mr. Williamson is now charged with indecent exposure. And we have a few things to say about that.

It seems a gal can't take her young son tiptoeing through the bushes of a neighbor's yard these days without having her eyeballs raped in the butt by all manner of lascivious nakedness. Back in the day, good Christians could go a-peepin' and be greeted only by images of God-fearing folks who had the good taste to remain fully-clothed in the privacy of their own homes. Ms. Butz, we congratulate you not only for keeping your sights trained on Mr. Williamson's swarthy exposed personage, but for circling his house to get a better view, thereby giving your impressionable son a good lesson in spying on our heathen neighbors.

And now, we'd like to address the distastefully exposed Eric Williamson. As scripture tells us, when God made man (and subsequently yanked a rib from his chest to fashion his serpent-fraternizing, fruit-coveting baby maker), He was immediately disgusted by His creation. And that's why Jesus invented the polyester house robe.

You claim when you arose from slumber and ambled to the kitchen to brew some coffee, that it was dark outside and you had no idea a God-fearing neighbor might be skulking about your property. Spare us, sir, your pitiful excuses. For the gentleman who engages in naked coffee-brewing is precisely the sort to download she-male bukkake porn, sacrifice goats at the altar of Beelzebub and sass his mother.

Furthermore, Mr. Williamson, Jesus gets fidgety and nervous when our sin viper isn't safely tucked away within our aquaman underoos. He only allows us to drop our drawers when making uckie-poo or rinsing our oopsie zone (and only when it's absolutely necessary, for although cleanliness is next to Godliness, excessive lathering of one's flesh flute is next to something else entirely).   

So next time you spring from your sweaty mattress after a night of wet-dreaming about pooping on our Christian sensibilities, you'd do well to remember the audience of outraged townsfolk camping outside on your lawn. Put the jewels back in the vault and look into pajamas. Man-pajamas, pervert. Your next door neighbor and her son hardly expect to see you in a see-through Victoria's Secret teddy next time they traipse through your flower bed, peering anxiously through your kitchen window.

xox
WAM

Eric Williamson sez: "I subscribed to this blog's feed so I could read it nekkid."

Comments

[Jan]

Well, darn. The husband and I were getting all ready to volunteer to take him shopping at Victoria's Secret.

[Whup-Ass Master]

@jan: we say buy mr. williamson a skanky VS outfit. at least that would cover his filthy bits and give his sensitive voyeur neighbor something else to be outraged over.

xox
WAM

[RamboSF]

I understand that little Harry Butz was scarred for life.

She-male bukkake porn is so "Clinton Administration"...

[Whup-Ass Master]

@rambo: she-male bukkake porn never goes out of style. it's like wing-tips.

xox
WAM

[Margaret (Nanny Goats)]

I didn't realize that eyeballs had butts in which to be raped, so that's a good thing to know. Furthermore, anybody who sacrifices goats at the alter of Beezlebub will only be able to face the pantied goat once. Once!

(I'm not sure what that means exactly, but whatever.)

And your literary awesomeness moves me to its usual level of envy.

[Psychocat]

Hell, he's not bad-looking...there's a house up for sale next door to me, and I wouldn't care if he made coffee while nekkid! Maybe this would lead to a neighborhood "Nekkid Coffee Klatsch"?

=^..^=

[Whup-Ass Master]

@margaret: always great to hear from you! Ass-whuppers, check out Margaret's "Nanny Goats in Panties" site. It's amusing and well-written.

@Psychocat: We agree, he's moderately hunk-a-licious.

xox
WAM

[lablu∞z]

Find the name of the psychobitch and i will stalk her for a day or two and see what her kink is....

~lb*
"America, love me or leave it!"

[William]

long time since i've been around xD (dam end-term paper keeping me busy)

and i got to say america, america, america... xD if you can't even be naked in your own kitchen (i suppose the "yard" was the back yard, aka without kitchen window open for the people on the street to see xD