Eavesdropper: Bill Clinton and Kim Jong Il

Former President Bill Clinton is currently in Pyongyang, chewing the fat with freshly spray-tanned stroke victim/demigod Kim Jong Il, trying to negotiate the release of a couple employees of his ex-sidekick Al Gore. The two women, reporters writing on the ickiness that is North Korea, are currently gaining valuable first-hand research on that particular topic as they eat dog pie in a re-education gulag. Fortch, one of our burly covert ninja operatives has cleverly disguised himself as 6 year old Korean Girl who handed a listening device concealed in a flower to Clinton and was thus able to record the following conversation:

KIM JONG IL: Welcome for coming!
BILL CLINTON: Yer a funny lookin feller.
KJI: We so so happy time we make big fun stuffs for funny fat Plesidant Crinton!
BC: Yeah, let's move past the formalities and get down to the nitty gritty. I just wolfed down a poodle burger and fries from a fast food joint called Fun-Yum-Pooch and soon I'm gonna hafta take a dump.
KJI: Dokie-okie! Let us to getting down with the glitty nitty stuffs!
BC: I want those two women.
KJI: Oh soldier-boy, you to doing sexy bouncy stuffs with naughty-fun boobie girlies! Which boobie-girlies you wanting to put cigar in now, cowboy?
BC: No, bubba. I want you to release Euna Lee and Laura Ling.
KJI: Who is to being these Euna Ree and Raula Ring boobie girlies?
BC: They're the boobie girlies you convicted of grave slander and sent to a labor camp. 
KJI: Dokie-okie, you can to taking poopy-face frowny sad boobie girlies from laughy fun gulag.
BC: Thanks.
KJI: You can sticking cigar up Ree and Ring's stinky place now, soldier-boy!
BC: Hillary took my cigar. She keeps it in her purse.
KJI: When I to saying cigar I am meaning that thing Mr. Lush Rimbaugh put in his mouth.
BC: A penis?
KJI: Yes, my Engrish is to being sucky. I am to meaning angry mad pants dragon!
BC: We're on the same page, Kimmy-Kim.
KJI: So Hirraly to keeping your angry mad pants dragon in purse-y-purse?
BC: It's for safe keeping.
KJI: Hirraly is poopy frowny bad lady.
BC: Come on, Buddy...you got lots in common with her. You both buy your pants suits off the Dress Barn discount rack.
KJI: KIM JONG IL NOT TO SHOPPING AT DRESS BARN, POOPY-FACE!!
BC: Whatever.
KJI: I TO BUY PANTS SUITS AT THE J.C. PENNEYS PLACE FROM JAQUERINE SMITH CORRECTION!!
BC: Cool your jets, Kimmy. Now if you'll excuse me I really have to pinch a loaf.

Kim Jong Il sez: "You poopy Amelicans to stop subsclibing to this frowny sad brog! I make so so angly mad foot stompy dance!"

Comments

[Margaret (Nanny Goats)]

Poopy face? Pinch a loaf? Al Gore sidekick (as in #2?). Nitty Gritty?
That's a lotta "shitty" references there, pal.
;)

[Whup-Ass Master]

@margaret: hello goat lady! are we surprised? pretty much every post we write has at least a half dozen scatological references. try to keep up.

xox
WAM

[mongoliangirl]

Yes! I was watching a news report about Clinton's visit earlier and thinking, "I hope WAM posts about this because his KJI shit is FUN-EEE!"
Amen! You've made my night!

[Whup-Ass Master]

@mongoliangirl: thanks ellie mae! how goes life down in the holler? having a good summer? we miss your comments...

xox
WAM

[RamboSF]

hmmm, while Bill was meeting with a world leader and negotiating the release of two reporters, Obama was having a beer with a bigot...and a cop.

One has to wonder if Bill offered (threatened) to send Hillary as Kim's "comfort woman" if he didn't release Ling-Lee. And here I thought Ling-Lee was a panda.

[David]

Uhmmm...Rambo - Think Obama was having a beer with two bigots.

[RamboSF]

David,

I didn't know Sotomayor was there too!!!

[mongoliangirl]

Ellie May? You realize that just makes me want to f*** my husband in the barn, right?
My summer is going well. Full of flies and horse shit. Full of sweat in places that sweat chould not occur.
And you know I love it, happy holler girl that I am.
Sorry about being lame with comments. I'm just, well, lame like that sometimes.
Hope you're summer is going great, darlin'. xoxo

[Whup-Ass Master]

@mongoliangirl: we're sure glad you take our jibes in the spirit they're intended...in fact, the WAMster is a country boy who has loretta lynn and hank williams on his iPod (among the punk, showtunes and sinatra)