Pastor Patricia "Hooba-joo" McKinney's Do-it-yo-damn-self Homo-be-Gone Exorcism Tipz!

Jeebus Chrise love yo ass, chile. Hush up, now.

Y'all saw the videe-oh of dat boy who come to my church "Manifested M*therf*ckin Glory Ministries" for whatchoo call a hummaseckshul exorcism. Y'all watch dat sh*t when I, Pastor Patricia "Hooba-joo" McKinney (ex crack addick, high priestess of da voo-doo hooba-joo) say "Ooo! I finks dat boy gots da debbul in his belly!" Then a fat-azz bruvah hump him from behine til da batty-boy barf out da deminz into da Hefty bag! Hooba-joo!

But since den, y'all been all up in a pastorz grill, sayin dis-and-dat 'bout how da hooba-joo all whack. Den y'all saw me on dat CNN nooz show when I say "Don't go messin wif a sistah's hooba-joo, chile! I puts da voodoo mojo on yo noggin!"

So let me axe you sumpin. Did you shake yo nazz-tay bootie in a parade yessadee? Was you wearin nuffin but pasties an' a buttplug? Did yo stank azz git possessed by da deminz of homo pride? Well set yo azz down. I, Pastor Patricia "Hooba-joo" McKinney be fixin to skool yo azz on step-by-step instuckshinz on how to fro yo gay hummaseckshul deminz out on they azz!

• Firs: Y'all gots to remember dat "deminz" standz for "de menz." So if you git jiggy wif de menz, it mean y'alls gots a deminz in yo bod-ay. Dats how y'all knows you gots to do a ecksa-shizzims. 
• Seckind: Y'all gots to rattle some chicken bonez in a soup can (it don't mattah what kinda soup, foo...just make sho you wash da split pea and pork outa dat sh*t firs). Rattle dem bones an fro dem on de flo. Hooba-joo!
• Fird: Lay yo skinny azz down on de flo, punk.
• Fif: Axe yoself if you wants to A) BE Beyonce, or B) bounce Beyonce's boot-ay froo da ceilin. If you answer "A" den you gotz to holla: "Oh lawd! I gots da deminz in my belly! Get yo azz out my belly, mistah deminz!" Hooba-joo!
• Sixf: Y'all gots to sang dis song (to da tune of "Lord Won't You Buy Me a Mercedes Benz")
  (Firs Verse)
  OH, LAWD HELP ME STOP GITTIN JIGGY WIF MENZ
  WHO POKIN THEY BIZZNISS IN BOFE OF MY ENDZ
  DA VOGUERS AND POGUERS THOSE PUNKS AIN'T MY FRIENDZ
  I WANTS TO FRO STONEZ, SO GIT RID OF THESE SINZ
  (Seckind Verse)
  REMOVE, LAWD THE TURNSTYLE I BUILT ON MY BUTT
  MY POO HOLE'S A NEW HOLE, THE ENTRY'S NAILED SHUT
  IT DON'T TAKE DELIVERIES OF MANLY MENZ NUT
  CHRIST IS DA ONLY MAN 'LOWED IN MY GUT 
• Sebbinf: Y'all gots to jerk 'round on da flo like yo azz is starring in "Breakin 2: Da Electric Boogaloo." Hooba-joo!
• Eightf: Y'all gots to stop sayin' "fierce," "beeyotch," "faboo," "clinique," "liza," and "shantay." Yo new words are "Jeebus," "Chrise," "buh-dunk-a-dunk," "yo," "word," "poontang," and "hooba-joo."  
• Ninf: Y'all gots to imagine yoself in da bosom of da lawd Jeebus Chrise, feelin his fine-azz arms 'round yo azz, yo head restin on Hiz toned chest, smellin' the sweet masculine musk froo hiz robe. Ooo! It get hot in here all sudden-like!
• Tenf: Y'all gots to get a fat negro sistah like me sit on yo azz til you barf out da deminz into a Hefty bag. Hooba-joo!

Pastor Patricia "Hooba-joo" McKinney sez: "Oh lawd, please help me resist the temptation to pick up the crack pipe again and subscribe to dis blog's feed." 

Comments

[lablu*z]

1. Love her repeated use of "Sir".

2. Love the term "non-demoniation" idea of non-profit(phet).
[Want to start my own: The Multi-denominational In-time Prophetsy of the Unclean.Unsober.Adultury.Sodomite.Niggerly In-time Prophetsy of lablu∞z ---get in early before you are priced out! I would be the CEO, Glory!!]

3. 'Want to be the first to mention how "faggity" the gay guy was posing on the floor.

4. Best part: quoting Bobby Brown.

5. The last temptation of the crack pipe is always there, but your blog is more powerful!

[Whup-Ass Master]

@lablu-z: anyone who actually watches the full 20-minute "exorcism" will want to shove this chronically stupid (and abusive) woman into traffic.

[lablu*z]

@WAM: Point taken. She is a sick. And the sickest part is she tells everyone how sick she is and they are still asking her questions like she is a regular person and not someone that the State needs to provide long-term and serious medical attention. Muchless give her tax free status to terrorize folks, which is i am sure all of us who have taken PSY101 know, is just an attempt to reclaim her own lost vulnerability. Still it is a safety hazzard to society, like screaming "FIRE" in a cinema or "ICE-CREAM" at Weight Watchers.......My hand to heaven i don't know what made me say that last part except i was possessed by a FAT.DEVIL.

<3

~lb*/

[Whup-Ass Master]

@lablu-z: Indeed. Sometimes we wonder, when confronted with a creature like Ms. McKinney, why exactly folks listen to them and endow their retarded, illiterate, rantings with some kind of authority. Oh yeah. President Bush. Nevermind.

xox
WAM

[uggs outlet]

Your opinion is very good