As the King of Pop was transported to Roswell for his autopsy, the world has gone briefly bonkers. Flash mob mourners, Texans conducting sing-a-longs of "Blame it on the Boogie" at the Alamo, Al Sharpton moonwalking in front of The Apollo, and pederasts everywhere are flying their pants at half-mast. (sound of crickets chirping) Too soon?
Ahem. Even on Capitol Hill, congress found the time between bickering and being rusty-tromboned by lobbyists to have a moment of silence for the dude. Where was Farrah's moment of silence? She was an icon too and managed to do it without being the least bit molest-y.
We digress. In the last 24 hours, as humanity witnessed itself pantomiming "The Day the Earth Stood Still" in reverse (about a spaceman leaving our planet), and while boomboxes blaring "Thriller" drown out/outnumber the voices of dwindling Iranian protests, some...um...other stuff was going down.
NORTH KOREA staged one of their cute hootenannies during which they poutily declared that America is "asking for the calamitous situation of having a fire shower of nuclear retaliation" rain down upon us (goodness, that'll teach us to ask for calamitous situations!). Then they all goose-stepped to a lovely labrador barbecue.
THOSE HILARIOUS SOMALIANS held a lil' hoe-down of their own, during which Islamists dragged four young men (each declared guilty of robbery, each screaming their innocence) into the public square, whereupon the godly types macheted a hand and a foot from each before a rabid crowd of amputation fetishists. The fresh amputees now look forward to being fitted with their peg-legs and hook-hands as they prepare for their new careers in the pirate industry.
IN DAZZLING DOWNTOWN SADDER-CITY a thoughtful Sunni delivered a lovely Congrats-For-No-Longer-Being-Occupied-by-American-Forces Gift: a shrapnel-riffic bouquet of explosives that took the lives of 70 less-than-grateful Shiites.
THE LOVELY MS. AYATOLLAH AHMAD KAHTAMI pushed to reward arrested Iranian protesters with neckties made of rope; not to be outdone, swarthy matinee idol Mahmoud Ahmedinejad chastised Obama for being a buttinsky, thereby positioning himself as a Democrat (seeing as how Republicans have chastised Barack for not being sufficiently buttinksy-esque).
RWANDANS, apparently wistful for genocide past, are skipping down memory lane by getting themselves slaughtered anew in the jungles of the Democratic Republic of Congo.
THE CHARMING FOLKS OF KENYA held a good old-fashioned witch burning, during which a reporter for the BBC witnessed five elderly folks being tossed on a fire and burned alive for rudely causing a little boy (a diagnosed epileptic) to have a fit.
W00T!! I DID IT AGAIN: A GAMER SITTING IN A CAVE AT NORAD got all upset and stuff when the words "GAME OVER" flashed on his screen after the drone he was controlling accidentally missed his target 8,500 miles away in South Waziristan, and instead got a little killy with 65 folks who had the bad taste to attend a funeral.
But really, who cares about that stuff?
Sing along now: "It's true we'll make a better world, just you and me..."
xox
WAM
Tito sez: "Michael would have wanted his fans to subscribe to this blog's feed."
Stumble It!
You're not honestly putting forward the theory that regular peoples' deaths have any meaning are you!? How preposterous!
Can regular old pedophiles cough up 20 million bucks to silence accusations? I think not! He was truly special.
I sure am glad I bought Thriller back in the day and helped contribute to his legal defense fund.
Posted by: RBG | June 27, 2009 at 01:21 AM
@RBG: But how do you FEEL about Michael? :-) It's sad that he died. But Neda's death, for instance...THAT'S a tragedy. And although the question is no doubt unpopular, we'll ask it anyway: "wasn't MJ sort of dead already?"
xox
WAM
Posted by: Whup-Ass Master | June 27, 2009 at 09:46 AM
It somehow doesn't surprise me that congress; with all it's moral failings, has allowed a moment of silence for a pedophile but Al Sharpton moonwalking! I thought he was too fat for that. There may be hope for me.
Mike the real plumber.
Posted by: Mike Q | June 27, 2009 at 10:55 AM
@Mike: Atta boy...start with the man in the mirror.
xox
WAM
Posted by: Whup-Ass Master | June 27, 2009 at 11:07 AM
I have a different take on the death of MJ. The top entertainer I listen to on my Ipod is MJ and the Jackson 5. The music is fun and brings back memories from my youth. I mourn the loss of his music, but not the loss of the individual. Like with Farrah, a part of my youth died with Michael Jackson.
First, I think it's tragic that someone as talented as MJ was allowed to morph into the caricature he became. His father whored he and his brothers out for his own benefit and obviously was never the moral compass for him like a father should be. Other children have been successful entertainer and have turned into successful adults, whether in the entertainment industry or out. I'm not sure any of us could stand the test of the microscope on each and ever part of our lives. I watched a documentary on the kids from Annie and it was amazing how these kids were stars one day and has beens the next. There was no regard for their mental stability once they were too old to be orphans. The one constant was that those who had a messed up family life were messed up after Annie.
My take on the charges of pedophilia might catch you by surprise. I am a firm believer in the legal system of this country and while I may not agree with every verdict, I assume that they know more in the court room than we do from TMZ. Money does strange things to people, including making up false charges of inappropriate acts. For someone like MJ, paying a child $20 million to "go away" was worth the money. The second case came out in his favor, so I have to assume that he was innocent.
He was a freak, but I'm not sure that makes him a pedophile.
Posted by: Rambosf | June 27, 2009 at 06:43 PM
Great post. It is really too bad that all these famous people had to die all at once and take attention away from the uprising or whatever it can be called in Iran. Seems it has already petered out. I was looking forward to Ahmedinejad getting his comupance.
Posted by: Ora | June 30, 2009 at 03:19 PM
@ora: we believe ole Mahmoud may still get what's coming to him. But remember, vile as he is, he's not Iran's dictator. That honor falls on the lovely Ayatollah.
xox
WAM
Posted by: Whup-Ass Master | June 30, 2009 at 03:30 PM