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Somebody gimme a HO-oh! Sup punks? Woo! It be three f*ckin monfs since Foxy lay some newz shizzle on yo azz! Firs, a ho had to par-TAY cause it be a whole year since Foxy git her azz sprung from Rikers. Feel dat, suckaz. It seem like only yessadee a sistah get her azz bustid for bouncin her blackberry off da noggin of some sassy ho. So last monf Foxy git on her cell an' call up the bitches who still in da joint. I say wassup to Big Betty, she da correckshinz officer who bus' a sistaz noggin cuz her boy smuggle in some treez up his poo hole. Then I holla at dat fat bitch wif da lazy eye from Cellblock D who gots razor blades in her weave. Foxy used to fist dat ho's stank-azz muff ev'ry toozday fo a pack o' bajinya slims, yo. Now dat bitch gots another ho punchin her queefbox. She finkin Foxy replacable? F*ck dat. Foxy fro dat sh*t. Respeck.
On da self improobmint tip, a ho finish dat triflin' book call "Anne-bitch o' Green-azz Gables." It be all 'bout some ginger orphan bitch who get her azz sold off to Nervous-Kosher, which be a country in Alaksa where they put all da jewfolk. It be kosher, but they all nervous an sh*t. Now Foxy be checkin out a book call "Little-azz Crib on da M*therf*ckin Prarie," which seem to be all 'bout some gay-azz cracka family who all homeless and shizzle so they go on a campin trip to Kansas or sumpin. Foxy hopin it git good, like maybe some injun punk take a tamahawk to Half-pint and show dat uppity ho wassup.
On this espizode of da Foxy News Channel, a ho be in da boogie-down Pyongyang to do da innavoo wif some punk-azz bitch call Kimz Dongz Li'l. Check it, mo-fos.
FOXY BROWN: Somebody gimme a HO-oh! Feel dis, punks. Foxy chillaxin in some stank azz hood call Pyongyang, spittin rhymez wif Kimz Dongz Li'l. Respeck.
KIM JONG IL: Welcome for coming, neglo boobie girlie.
FB: Chile, whatchoo got on? Wassup wif those Jackie-O shades and that country-azz Little Richard weave?
KJI: I am being what Prince is to calling a sexy f*cking your m*ther.
FB: Foxy thought she gonna rap wif Li'l Kim. I be finkin she change her name to Kimz Dongz Li'l. I ain't suprized dat ho gotz a li'l dong. Whoop!
KJI: I am not to being Little Kim!
FB: True dat, foo. But you both smell like dog food, yo.
KJI: I am to being Big Kim!
FB: Punk, don't front a bitch. Take off those tired platforms and you smaller than a oompa-loompa.
KJI: You are to having happy fun bah-donkey-kong fanny.
FB: Chill, mo-fo. A ho tryin to lay some queshinz on yo azz.
KJI: Dokie-okie, then you are to laying those shizzle-stuffs on a brother person.
FB: How come Korean manicurisist hos f*ck up a sistah's tips? Last time Foxy get her nails did she gots to bus' some Kung Fu shiznit on they azz.
KJI: You no make poopy talk about sexy happy Korean girlie peoples!
FB: It jus' a queshin, bitch. Don't pitch a fit, yo. Nex queshin: how come you gots those whatchoo call new-color bombs but yo pitiful peeps be starvin so bad thay gots to eat pooch-burgers?
KJI: You to stop saying frowny fibby stuffs! Korean peoples are not to making starvy time! I make stompy dance and send pow-bombs to make poopy sad America esprode!
FB: Queen, please. You build your planes out of cardboard and yo stank-azz army carry heat made by Hasbro. Our posse like to slap da pu-pu outa your family's seoul.
KJI: You not to sassing me, boobie girlie! I am to being Dear Leader! I make so-so angry mad time!
FB: Sit yo azz down, mo-fo. A lady was fixin to give you a case of Campbell's Cream of Chihuahua soup.
KJI: Oh. Dokie-okie. Are you also to letting Kim Jong Il to putting finger in your stinky place?
FB: Bitch keep dat li'l dong-missile in your pants silo! This innavoo be triflin! Foxy outa here!
KJI: Welcome for going, sexy Brown boobie-girlie!
Kim Jong Il sez: "If I not to getting subscliption to this brog's feed, I to send pow-bombs to stinky USA place!"
"Queen, please. You build your planes out of cardboard and yo stank-azz army carry heat made by Hasbro. Our posse like to slap da pu-pu outa your family's seoul."
AWESOME
Posted by: winski | June 01, 2009 at 02:12 PM
we thought you might like that one, winks
xox
WAM
Posted by: Whup-Ass Master | June 01, 2009 at 02:34 PM
After all these months of reading your blog, I just *now* see that Foxy Brown is a real(?) person. I'd be hopelessly unhip without you, WAM.
"Punk, don't front a bitch. Take off those tired platforms and you smaller than a oompa-loompa" made me spew water all over the place. My bad; I should know better than to eat/drink/ingest anything while reading here.
And wouldn't "neglo boobie girrie" be the correct pronunciation?
Posted by: Jan | June 01, 2009 at 03:38 PM
@Jan: yes, foxy brown (aka inga marchand) is a very real person. news stories about her are funnier than this blog. and yes, it should be "neglo girrie," but there's a point at which our racially insensitive engrish stops being merely offensive and becomes unintelligible. That's the fine line we walk.
xox
WAM
Posted by: Whup-Ass Master | June 01, 2009 at 04:08 PM
beyotch you is crazy! LOVE THE WHOLE THING!! As far as the dialogue, you have some keepers here!!!! "Don't front a bitch" "Bitch keep that dong-missle in your pants silo".. .You are too much!
Posted by: Mike Waite | June 01, 2009 at 04:22 PM
aw shux mikey...yer jus' sayin that.
xox
WAM
Posted by: Whup-Ass Master | June 01, 2009 at 04:32 PM