Re-animated Cheney Defends Getting Torture-y with Sand Jawas

*** FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE ***

Good afternoon. First I'd like to thank my lovely wife for taking a break from writing her latest lesbo horse opera to defibrillate me into consciousness long enough to write this here press release.

It has come to my attention that our pansy-loving rap-hop president has freshly returned to the White Negro House after giving a lap dance to Raul Castro and slobbering all over Hugo Chavez's chalupa down in Mexarico. And instead of spending the next two days locked in el baño uno with a case of the taco trots like any normal American returning from Mexistan, he went and made a bunch of torture memos public. While only a commie homo goes around making things public, releasing these particular memos will only lead to our white American daughters being kidnapped and forced to dance the hootchie kootchie in Bin Laden's harem.

So we told a bunch of sadistic 007 types they could smack around a couple or eighty sand jawas? Boo-freaking-hoo. To some guys, getting trussed up in leather restraints and having their pecker zapped with a cattle prod describes a perfect Sunday afternoon (though it would be rude to name names, isn't that right, Arney-bay Ank-fray?). But let me ask you this, how many terror attacks have we had since we started getting a little waterboard-y with Abdul and Ahmed McFatwah? I'll tell you. Exactly the same number we had before I was President Vice President. So shove that in your bongs and smoke it, you screaming bunch of hippie communists!

However, I do agree with the President's decision not to prosecute those maladjusted spy boys who cream their underoos every time they hear a towelhead cry for his mommy in arabian. Because not only would exposing CIA operatives severely undercut our national security, it would imperil the lives of folks all over the world who are busy trying to render Ali and Anwar Jihadowitz to Egypt, where we outsource all that let's-drill-screws-into-his-toes grunt work. That is to say, outing spies is treason. Unless the spy is an uppity bimbo whose f*ggot husband writes a rude op/ed that calls "shenanigans" on our little white WMD fibs.

Well my decrepit ticker's about to overheat and fart to a stop so I better stop typing soon. But I would like to weigh in on that fat homo Perez Hilton blasting that cute Miss USA broad for speaking out against fairy weddings. Give the skirt a break. Who better than a stacked chick whose bikini is held in place with crotch tape to talk about morals? Take it from a man whose only women in his life up and turned lesbo, we're all sick and tired of hearing about it.

Cheney sez: "a subscription to this blog's feed is even tastier than baby flesh...mmmmm"