Meghan McCain's Keynote Speech at the 2009 Log Cabin Republican Convention and Grab-Ass Hootenanny

*** OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT ***

MEGHAN MCCAIN: Thank you. Thank you for such a warm welcome. I am totally honored and stuff that you've asked me, Meghan McCain, to talk at the Log Cabin Republicans 2009 Convention! Wooooooo!

(applause)

Wasn't Kanye West's little rap-hop song cute? Those negro boys sure can dance. They can also, apparently, get elected so they can tax us rich folks into oblivion and spend our hard-inherited money as if they were George Bush.

(booing, hissing)

But there's a lesson we can learn from Black Hussein Jihad Fatwa Bin Laden Obama and his rude white house take-over. It's fun to crash parties you're not invited to! When I look at the sea of your gay caucasian faces, Cliniqued and Lorealed into a stupor, I'm touched by your collective desire to be welcomed into the big tent of the Republican Party. This, despite the fact that most Republicans secretly wish you'd all get on a boat and sail back to Oz. It reminds me of the time that cute Jewboy Steven Spielberg tried to schedule tee-time at my Daddy's country club. Sometimes I think about that and I laugh and laugh and laugh. The fact is, I've always liked the homos. If it wasn't for you, no fat gal would ever go to a prom.

(laughter, applause)

But in all seriosity, thanks for supporting my decrepit daddy in the election. And don't think he never met with you during the campaign 'cause he was afraid his base would call him a f*ggot-rimming fruit fly. That's exactly why he didn't, but don't think that. I was saying to my mom the other day, just before she passed out after her third Vico-tini and did a face-dive into her plate of Lean Cuisine Fetuccini Alfredo...wait, what? I totally forgot what I said to her. Oh yeah! I told her we should totally have a homo re-decorate houses one, two, four, six and seven. Houses three and five are next to some nosy GOP donors, and we can't risk them catching sight of a parade of snappy dressers mincing and sashaying in and out of the house with upholstery swatches and chihuahuas.

(crickets chirping)

Anywho, there's an open bar! Remember, the self-loath-o-rama foam dance starts at 9, right after Ugly Betty. I can't wait to slip a five into the sweaty g-string of one of those humpalicious Congressional Page go-go boys! In the meantime, be sure to check out those darling displays in the lobby. I particularly liked the "How to Move to Vermont, Get Married and Vote Out Those Commie Liberals Who Made Our Wedding Possible" booth. There's also a kiosk selling GOP-themed sex toys, like "Don't Ask Don't Tell" buttplugs and "Strom Thurmond" slave shackles. Enjoy!!

(applause)

Meghan sez: "I vote for subscribing to this blog's feed!"

Comments

[Stickman]

Should I say something like "First Bitches!!" ?

That was a wonderful speech. She was very accepting and welcoming. I can't believe the gays didn't join the Republicans sooner!

[Whup-Ass Master]

Howdy Stickman. Yes, Meghan is lovely. She makes joining the homo-hating party sound almost fun!

xox
WAM

[winski]

Was Mike Huckabee invited?

[Whup-Ass Master]

@winksi: Invited? He ran the kissing booth!

xox
WAM

[Wholesale Handbags On Sale]

blouse, hike up a pair of crotchless satin Depends, and secure a Charo wig to your noggin with what appears to be the wrapper from a Hickory Farms "deepest sympathy" cheese and fruit basket.

We're certain it seemed like a good idea at the time. But you look like you're attending the funeral of your sanity. See here's the thing. You're a trend-setter. Do you really want the entire world to start wearing their underoos as outerwear? Have you given the slightest thought to the potential ramifications? For starters, it would force us to cover our furniture in plastic. Is that what you really want?

You look like (pick one):

Morgan Fairchild in a very special Lifetime movie-of-the-week called "Not Without My Mom-jeans," the heart warming story of a woman who goes into mourning when The Gap discontinues their line of high-waisted acid wash stretch pants
The winning design from that episode of Project Runway where Heidi Klum gives the designers one day to stitch together a wardrobe for the soon-to-hit-the-toy-stores Bi-Polar Barbie
A publicity still from "I Was an Incontinent Space Widow," a daring independent film directed by Darren Aronofsky and starring Charlize Theron, which swept the awards at Sundance
That long lost episode of Love Boat, wherein cruise director Julie McCoy spikes the punch with ecstasy causing Charo to hurl herself overboard, whereupon her distraught lesbian lover Donna Mills disrupts a shuffleboard tournament with her shocking announcement that her girdle's been possessed by beelzebub.
Bloody hell.

[Burberry Handbags]

press secretary (smirkingly defensive sexpot Dana Perino) said that the redacted portions of the text contradicted findings of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), one of the lead authors of the panel's annual reports, called Ms. Perino a dirty fibber, saying the original speech was "scientifically accurate and absolutely in line with the findings of the IPCC."

[Hermes Birkin]

e-y, Fact-centric Flapdoodle From CDC Speech!!

WASHINGTON -- When the Director of the Center for Disease Control (uppity cassandra Dr. Julie Gerberding), decided to give a rude speech to congress regarding possible health effects stemming from climate change, some folks at the White House uncapped their Sharpies and got a little edit-y. And although the president's press secretary (smirkingly defensive sexpot Dana Perino) said that the redacted portions of the text contradicted findings of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), one of the lead authors of the panel's annual reports, called Ms. Perino a dirty fibber, saying the original speech was "scientifically accurate and absolutely in line with the findings of the IPCC."

[Hermes Birkin]

harmful, because it can increase the duration and areas affected by malaria epidemics and other tropical diseases, the exposure to which makes me particularly concerned when I look at how hot formerly temperate regions are predicted to get. The Science supporting these threats is solid; not, as some misleading politicians might have you believe, unestablished and inconclusive. I believe that in a worst case scenario, we'll see higher health risks, storms of increasing power, and if nothing is done, or if you don't act to curb global warming, I believe we might see a future in which our country becomes a God-forsaken land and you're going to see America become hell on earth.

Posted at 01:09 PM in Douchebags 'n

[Coach Factory Outlet Online]

and inconclusive. I believe that in a worst case scenario, we'll see higher health risks, storms of increasing power, and if nothing is done, or if you don't act to curb global warming, I believe we might see a future in which our country becomes a God-forsaken land and you're going to see America become hell on earth.

[Louis Vuitton Bags]

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Let's blow the whole world up
You say hummus, we say Hamas
You walk among us, And then you bomb us
Hummus, Hamas
Among us, Bomb us