Whatever Happened to Verka Serduchka??

As our gorgeous blog prepares to celebrate two years as the black hole of the cultural zeitgeist, we are wont to glance in the review mirror at the detritus left in our fearful wake. To translate for our home schooled/Baptist/Tuscaloosan readership: we reckon we orta take a gander back.

When COWA was still in its infancy, we discovered the alarming phenomenon of Ms. Verka Serduchka, a zaftig, tone-deaf Ukrainian drag queen and living reminder of Chernobyl's tragic legacy. At the time, she had just been selected to represent Ukraine in that annual celebration of international bad taste, Eurovision. 

The song she "performed," an ear-raping discosaster called "Danzing: Lasha Tumbai," was spectacularly bizarre. An appalling marriage of disco and polka, it featured dancing twinks flailing about in shiny silver boy scout uniforms and BLACK KNEE-HIGH SOCKS (we can't emphasize that enough). Verka herself was clad as a transsexual hybrid of the tin man and a mirror ball, huffing and puffing her way through the odd choreography, her relationship with the song's key growing increasingly estranged. Watch the video of Verka's Eurovision performance at your own risk: it gets stuck in the head like a tumor.

Alas, Verka placed second in Eurovision, losing out to a caterwauling Serbian lesbian called Marija Serifovic who looked like Thelma from Scooby Do and wailed about something no one understood because it was in Serbian. Ukraine wasn't even the gayest entry that year. England took that honor.

So what has become of Verka? Well she's done some more videos. In her defiant yet deluded "I am Eurovision Queen," the poor woman appears to have lost her tenuous grip on reality. In it, she compulsively irons a blouse, yells gibberish into a shower head and alienates the populace of several European cities, all while dragging around her pet; a terrified midgette clad in a Finnish track suit and a babushka.

Increasingly peculiar, Verka's cover of German thrash-metal group Rammstein's "Du Hast" features prancing construction workers and fire-breathing peasants. It looks like a production of La Cage Aux Folles directed by Fassbinder and set in Dante's Inferno.

But perhaps most shocking is this footage of her shaking her groove thing with iron-fisted Belorussian tyrant Alexander Lukashenko. Remarkable, considering Verka is banned from Russian and Belorussian television. It cannot be denied: Verkamania will change the world.  Or, in the words of our favorite Belorussian commentator on the YouTube page: "Bwa-ha-ha! Transvestoid dances with political tyran! (sic) It is to laugh all!"

"Transvestoid" is now officially our favorite word. Viva transvestoid Verka!

Verka sez: "Seben-seben-ai-lu-lu! Subscribe to this blog's feed!

Comments

[JWB3]

I have an appointment to see an opthamoligist. After watching 2 video's, my retinas have been ass-raped by what I've seen.

[Whup-Ass Master]

Our eyeballs have been raped in the butt by Verka for over two years now, JWB cubed. But we have to admit...there's something perversely fascinating about the transvestoid.

xox
WAM

[lablu∞z]

I would like to remind the fellow who named himself for a George Michael production, that "..defiantly tacky, and aggressively retarded" is what has made disco so ubiquitous via its awesomely accessibility to just everyone from Mikhail Baryshnikov (RIP) to LILO (RIP) .....Yes, kids, Disco kills! But it's a beautiful, beautiful death!

In a world populated by folks who grew up on MTV (Does it even play music now? NoTV, you tell me.), that horrible hydra of poisoned brain candy single-mindedly destroyed the idea/l of culture by creating an infinite number of one-off generic brands for tween2teens worldwide. Walk on the streets of Karachi and be horrified not by the truth in poetry of Faiz, but the sight of all the important demographics 12-17, 17-25, and 26-up sporting FUBU crap hanging off their arses and some styles sweatshop mass production of Members Only + Qball leather jackets hanging low enough to placate both Bollywood and the imams at once.

If it’s a more Western Hemisphere indignity you crave, go late to the Parque las Palomas in Old San Juan or Paseo del Prado in Habana la Vieja and watch "blonde" women sitting around in designer (Paris Hilton) pink wool-blend sweaters (the named taking on a tremendously foul double entendre).

In this world, Eurovision is a warm bath of mother's milk. Old somewhat more intelligible rivalries exist. Once the German song team tried to invade the Czech...i don't have film footage of it, but swear on g-d it happened! And i know there exists scores of YouTube footage of various Balkan representatives singing and shooting one another to death. This is what culture is about!

I revel in the desire of people from crazy places i never wanted to visit blithering out such obviously retarded rhymes even for their silly, silly languages, based entirely on the concept of rounding up Jews and killing fags (they don’t have ‘niggers’) just to make everyone else in their free trade zone feel shayity about themselves.

A performance like that makes me want to go there and live for a month or six. Or at least until they find out my family name.

And re-watching Verka stirs some old questions/comments:

Comment: I now abide in a city, where every month yet another group of folks (from former slaves to current "white trash" ---not the charming sort of EARL, but those folks fallen about 300 years into “the racks" of our ever dwindling “society”, and who are now either selling the same or dying slowly and painfully from it) lose a few more of the social services they are entitled to as citizens of this country (and of course, the world -but that's a different rant), yet remains ever more abundantly populated by the rejects refugees from E. Europe, who 30 years after refusniking their way into section 8 housing, food stamps and a TJMaxx credit card, are still living off the US Government (That would be me.). And why? Because it just makes us all feel so damn good to know that Ronald Reagan (or whomever at any given press opportunity had his/her hand up his arse making his lips move) TOTALLY DEFEATED COMMUNISM.

Oh, i almost lost my point! (((; These E.EU ladies all look just like that and dress as near to that as the limitations of borscht and women's plus sizes at TJX will allow as they cavort merrily about the city ever shopping for more “fashion” and shlepping their gangster sons -think laundries, 'beauty parlours', and any small corner “cash only” establishment. Cause if they earned money then they would have to get all capitalisty and START PAYING TAXES.

Comment: As both a "Daughter of Norway" and lifetime member of Na'amat, i gotta say, there is just something sexxxxxxy about an accordion!

Question: Is Lasha Tumbai a former death camp? It sounds familiar.... Rest assured, if it is, then i am all over the whole t-shirt concession:
Gramma went all the way to Lasha Tumbai in a cattle car and all i got was this stupid t-shirt
Natch, featuring Verka, only this time sporting a six-pointed star headpiece.

In closing, beware, "Gastly Bitch" may one day be your UberLordess.

~lb*/

[Whup-Ass Master]

@ lablu z: My but we can talk! You've made one's "neurotic caffeine-afflicted uberjew" decoder ring pop a gasket; we really haven't the foggiest idea what point you're trying to make. But rest assured, we've been raked over the coals many times for ridiculing tacky, ghastly, tasteless people and/or places and/or things. But if you read carefully, you shall see that COWA bows down reverently before such things. Eurovision, Verka, and everything in between are truly aggressively, even proudly retarded. And that's precisely why we adore them.

xox
WAM

[Wholesale Handbags On Sale]

blouse, hike up a pair of crotchless satin Depends, and secure a Charo wig to your noggin with what appears to be the wrapper from a Hickory Farms "deepest sympathy" cheese and fruit basket.

We're certain it seemed like a good idea at the time. But you look like you're attending the funeral of your sanity. See here's the thing. You're a trend-setter. Do you really want the entire world to start wearing their underoos as outerwear? Have you given the slightest thought to the potential ramifications? For starters, it would force us to cover our furniture in plastic. Is that what you really want?

You look like (pick one):

Morgan Fairchild in a very special Lifetime movie-of-the-week called "Not Without My Mom-jeans," the heart warming story of a woman who goes into mourning when The Gap discontinues their line of high-waisted acid wash stretch pants
The winning design from that episode of Project Runway where Heidi Klum gives the designers one day to stitch together a wardrobe for the soon-to-hit-the-toy-stores Bi-Polar Barbie
A publicity still from "I Was an Incontinent Space Widow," a daring independent film directed by Darren Aronofsky and starring Charlize Theron, which swept the awards at Sundance
That long lost episode of Love Boat, wherein cruise director Julie McCoy spikes the punch with ecstasy causing Charo to hurl herself overboard, whereupon her distraught lesbian lover Donna Mills disrupts a shuffleboard tournament with her shocking announcement that her girdle's been possessed by beelzebub.
Bloody hell.

[Burberry Handbags]

press secretary (smirkingly defensive sexpot Dana Perino) said that the redacted portions of the text contradicted findings of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), one of the lead authors of the panel's annual reports, called Ms. Perino a dirty fibber, saying the original speech was "scientifically accurate and absolutely in line with the findings of the IPCC."

[Hermes Birkin]

e-y, Fact-centric Flapdoodle From CDC Speech!!

WASHINGTON -- When the Director of the Center for Disease Control (uppity cassandra Dr. Julie Gerberding), decided to give a rude speech to congress regarding possible health effects stemming from climate change, some folks at the White House uncapped their Sharpies and got a little edit-y. And although the president's press secretary (smirkingly defensive sexpot Dana Perino) said that the redacted portions of the text contradicted findings of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), one of the lead authors of the panel's annual reports, called Ms. Perino a dirty fibber, saying the original speech was "scientifically accurate and absolutely in line with the findings of the IPCC."

[Hermes Birkin]

harmful, because it can increase the duration and areas affected by malaria epidemics and other tropical diseases, the exposure to which makes me particularly concerned when I look at how hot formerly temperate regions are predicted to get. The Science supporting these threats is solid; not, as some misleading politicians might have you believe, unestablished and inconclusive. I believe that in a worst case scenario, we'll see higher health risks, storms of increasing power, and if nothing is done, or if you don't act to curb global warming, I believe we might see a future in which our country becomes a God-forsaken land and you're going to see America become hell on earth.

Posted at 01:09 PM in Douchebags 'n

[Coach Factory Outlet Online]

and inconclusive. I believe that in a worst case scenario, we'll see higher health risks, storms of increasing power, and if nothing is done, or if you don't act to curb global warming, I believe we might see a future in which our country becomes a God-forsaken land and you're going to see America become hell on earth.

[Louis Vuitton Bags]

You say intifada, we say Masada
Allah, Challah
Intifada, Masada
Let's blow the whole world up
You say hummus, we say Hamas
You walk among us, And then you bomb us
Hummus, Hamas
Among us, Bomb us

[uggs outlet]

Your opinion is very good