The Foxy News Channel: Whack Shizzle

Somebody gimma a HO-oh! This be Foxy B, and a bitch be makin her second conta-blooshun to the Foxy News Channel, da new shizzle on this gay-ass blog. So step mo-fos, an stay out a bitch's grill. If there be some ig-nint peeps who gots they head up they boot-ay, da man bust a bitch for kickin some kung-fu moves on a couple of sassy Korean manacurisists. Then a sistah blow off dat gay-ass anger mamage-mint class and frow dat Blackberry shit at a bitch's sassy noggin. Punk-ass cracker judge send Foxy to prizzin, where she be fo eight *ss-lickin monfs. Respeck.

When Foxy wake up today, she be finkin it monday. And Mondays in Rikers mean dat fat ho in cellblock B with da lazy eye be 'spectin Foxy to work her stank-ass bagina. Foxy don't go fo dat lesbo shizzle, but a bitch gots razor blades in her weave and she'll cut a ho, dat's fo sho. Every monday Foxy gots to f*ck up her tips fistin some nasty muff fo a pack of ba-jinia slims. It sho-nuff be coo to wake up in a sistah's own bed, wif-out findin out some *ss-hole tie a bitch's weave to da toilet while she be sleepin. A ho be free at lass, mo-fos. Foxy be coo.

This week, da Foxy News Channel be in-bess-a-gatin sh*t, spittin rhymes on current e-bents all 'round the gay-ass worl. There be some whack-ass shizzle goin down, mo-fos. Foxy be a classy-ass in-guess-ba-cu-tib reporter now, bitches. So shut yo punk-ass pie-hole, and don't inta-rup a ho cause Foxy gots da mic:

• SHUT YO MOUF, HO: So last week a bitch be runnin her mouf while some sistahs tryin to watch Tyra Banks on "Merica's Nex Top Model." This gabby-ass ho keep talkin bout dis and dat after anotha ho tell her to shut her yap and that's where fings got all gangsta. Loud-mouf yank a clump of hair outa the bitch who shush her, and shushin sistah take a knife and cut a bitch. A ho got so stabby she don't stop 'til her hand cramp. Now the loud mouf be in the incentive care an sh*t. Foxy always suspeck dat Tyra Banks be trouble. But on the other han, Foxy be all synthapetic to the ho dat shank a bitch. Why you gots to flap yo gums, ho? Don't make Foxy miss the part where Tyra throwin shade at da skinny bitch. I cut a slab o bacon of yo fat back. Respeck.
• DA VON TRAP CREW: Foxy don't fink about Austria much. But when she do, she fink about dat gay-ass movie bout a nun who dress her cracker chillinz in some nasty threads she make outa curtains. Then she make the chillinz bust out all kinda homo dance moves up an down da mountainside, spittin some tired cracker rhyme 'bout do-re-mi whatzama-shizzle. Those Crackers call themselves Von Traps. Well now there be a ho in Austria who's daddy von trapped her ass in da basement. Then that mo-fo be havin whatchoo call insex with her and she spit nine retarded chillunz out her tw*t. Dayum, ho. That bitch like to make Dr. Phil's bald noggin 'splode. Dat shizzle for rizzle.
• JOHNSON & JOHNSON: There be a joint in Affika call the Congo (Foxy gexing dat's where da cons go). And in some stank-ass hood call Kinshasa, some whack-ass brothers be stealin other brothers' junk. They be callin theyselves which-dockers and they be puttin voo-doo mojos on a n*ggas draws, an he wake up to find his trouser pony up an left da barn. Foxy fixin to put on her pumps and haul her ass to that Congo joint and bust a cap in they ass. Why you messin with a brother's tube steak, dawg? That be the best part! That be like eatin all the skin from a bucket o' KFC. Sh*t. Meanwhile there be some honkey-ass crackers in Tallasassy Florida who pimp they gay-ass rides by attaching fake-ass testimacles to da rear hitches. Listen up, mo-fos. Foxy fixin to slap the white off your ass. A bitch see a nasty pair of dangly-ass nuts a-swingin from yo Dodge-f*ckin-Caravan, she gonna ram your ass so hard you be finkin you on Brokeback Mountain. Besides, if a sistah put some fake-ass bouncing titties on da front of her ride you crackers be crashing your fat pastey ass every five minutes. Miss Jackson-cause-I'm-nasty flash one tittie and dis punk-ass country have a m*therf*ckin stroke. Check dat.
• LOOK, DAWG...SHARPTON BE ALL OUTRAGED AGIN: Okay so the po-lice done bust 50 caps in Sean Bell's ass on a brother's wedding day. That be some whack shizzle. Then cracker-ass judge let those ass-hole cops walk (meanwhile Foxy B get eight monfs, and Wesley Snipe get three f*ckin years; no justice, no peace brothas). So there be some rage, dawg. But how come that fat-ass Rebbind Sharpton be shovin folks out the way to spit his rhymes on da TV? That sh*t's been played since Tawana, mo-fo. A brother be such a bitch for the media, he gots "press pass" tattooed on his fat ass. Anyfing bad happen there he be, talkin smack he been rehearsing in da baf-room mirror for a week! Somefin not right in that man's head since James Brown died and a brother don't gots no one to go wig shoppin wif. Why he pushin Bell's girl behind him? Let a sistah speak, dawg! Let channel 4 hear da real rage, bitch! Nex time da cops mistake a brothah for a target at a shootin range, stay home. We do just fine without yo fat ass hoverin over everything like a Mrs. Butterworth balloon at da Macy's Thanks-f*ckin-givin Parade! Peace an respeck, mo-fos!