Celebrity Def Poetry Jam!

HOLLYWOOD -- Sometimes famous people have feelings. And when they do, you can bet that they feel them deeper than you feel yours. Why? Shut up, stupid; it's cause they're famous. Artistes are just more sensitive than you. Your problems are retarded, so put a cork in the bitching.

So it should come as no surprise that when celebrities bare their souls through the art of poetry, the results are earth-shattering. Last night, in a coffee shop filled with the haze of clove cigarettes, several famouser-than-thou types threw it down and slammed, Russel Simmons-style. And below are three of our favorites:

	THE BIRD WOT I AM By Amy Winehouse I’m a bird wot like a bloke To hold the door and score some coke A bloke who buys a twat a rose Then shoots some horse between her toes He can be a chav or yob He don’t need to have no job Just be wif me at home and harf Hold a bird’s hair when she barf He don’t gots to be no chef All he gots to cook is mef And work my bits good in the sack Be smokin hot and smokin crack Tattoo my likeness on his taint A bird like me, my tastes is quaint
HEY! ROBOTS! By Peter Falk Lock your doors! Sedate your cat! Wear your tinfoil helmet hat! Eat some pudding! Wet your bed! So says the robot in my head He tells me when to eat some cheese When to poop and when to sneeze As long as he’s my friend, I’m sane He’s the robot in my brain He told me martians worship cars And Bonnie Franklin lives on Mars He makes me save my used Depends He’s my robot, we’re best friends So if you’re old and feeling blue If your toaster talks to you Snap your cap, go off your meds You all need robots in your heads!
	I’M ACTUALLY LIKE TOTALLY SMART AND STUFF By Pamela Anderson Think of me and you think tits Rejuvenated filthy bits A muff prolifically spelunked But you don’t know the thoughts I’ve thunked I think of stuff like outer space And how I’d like a thong of lace I think about the polar ice And how to rid my crotch of lice I think of stuff besides my boobs Like how Crest fills their toothpaste tubes And why the flowers live in dirt I think so much it starts to hurt And when that last thought can’t be reached I go and have my sphincter bleached Though In school I wasn’t teached enough I’m actually totally smart and stuff

Comments

[Adrian]

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I am trying to find easy, simple things I can do to help stop global warming (I don’t plan on buying a hybrid). Has anyone seen that EarthLab.com is promoting their Earth Day (month) challenge, with the goal to get 1 million people to take their carbon footprint test in April?... I took the test, it was easy and only took me about 2 minutes and I am planning on lowering my score with some of their tips.

I am looking for more easy fun stuff to do. If you know of any other sites worth my time let me know.

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