JERUSALEM -- Negro toddler-napper and erstwhile water bottle fellatrix Madonna Ciccone has touched down in the Holy Land. She and her poly-sired brood were joined by Demi Moore and her wrinkle-chasing son Ashton Kutcher for a whirlwind visit involving throwing her babies in a river and, if time allows, an afternoon jaunt to Golgotha for a refreshing self-crucifixion. As one might readily assume, our rudely intrusive network of spies have recovered her Land o' Milk n' Honey to-do list for your mortification and amusement.
- Visit Gaza. Distract the woman with the cutest baby. Take baby. Text Oprah.
- Stock up on Kabbalah water douche.
- Practice sabbath prayers.
- Day trip to Bethlehem. Find abandoned stable. Take Guy inside, do it "like a virgin."
- Go to Wailing Wall. Ask Yahweh to forgive me for "Swept Away"
- Drop Rocco, Lourdes, Ashton and negro baby at day care center, get Brazilians with Demi at Shlomo's Burning Bush Waxing Salon.
- Visit Dome of the Rock to scout locations for upcoming video "Lick My Muff Juice"
- Swing by ruins of ancient city of Sodom. Reminisce.
- Stock up on Kosher Valtrex. Related: put Kabbalah hex on Britney.
- Go to Wailing Wall: ask Yahweh to forgive me for "The Next Best Thing"
- Shop for Rosh Hashana thongs.
- Find Kabbalah mud. Sculpt mini-golem as playmate for new negro baby/pet.
- Visit Masada to scout locations for upcoming video "Take it Up Your Poophole"
- Take Demi to Wailing Wall. Talk her into asking Yahweh's forgiveness for "Striptease"
- Jot down a few notes for upcoming pitch to Universal for Evita sequel "Oy! Golda!"
- Shop for Star of David nipple ring.
- Visit Mount Sinai to scout locations for upcoming video "Please Pee on My Face"
- Go to Dead Sea with Demi. Ask locals if they've seen our careers.
- Pick up Rocco, Lourdes, Ashton and the negro from Day Care.
- Confirm El Al flight 666 back to Heathrow.
We, in Toronto, are amused.
Posted by: Marie | September 23, 2007 at 11:59 AM
We, in Toronto, are amused.
Posted by: Marie | September 23, 2007 at 12:07 PM
I love this site....total crap...keep it coming...
Posted by: Marie | September 23, 2007 at 12:08 PM
Howdy Marie...we are thrilled to have you bitches in Canada on board as COWA fans. Spread the word!
xoxo
WAM
Posted by: Whup-Ass Master | September 24, 2007 at 09:32 AM