Happy Fun Math Time (or, How to be a "People Person")

Recently, the world got all pissy when Italy swapped five Taliban prisoners for an Italian hostage. The following formula applies:

5 Taliban = 1 Italian

Prior to that, Russia offered to trade four Israeli prisoners for a Yukos oligarch, whom Putin wants to relocate to a Siberian gulag. With that in mind:

4 Israeli prisoners = 1 Russian oligarch

Now: 2,948 died in the 9/11 attacks, and so far 3,228 American soldiers have died in Iraq. The total number of Iraqis and Afghanis killed in the subsequent US-led conflicts is conservatively estimated at 50,000. Therefore:

1 American Adult = 8.1 Middle Eastern Adults

Moving on: EgyptAir paid out a total of $116 million to the families of the 217 Americans who died on flight 990. In contrast, a Texas state senator is trying to get a law passed that would offer women $500 not to have an abortion, payable after she's given birth. Therefore:

1 American Adult = 1,069.12 Unwanted Texas Newborns

Finally: exclusive pics of Angelina Jolie's freshest ethno-tot will sell for $1.75 million. Ergo (in descending value):

1 Photo of Celebrity Ethno-tot = $1,750,000.00
1 American Adult = $534,562.21
1 Italian Adult = $334,101.38
1 Russian Adult = $267,281.06
1 Middle Eastern Adult =  $66,820.28
1 Unwanted Texas Infant = $500

Conclusion: one could trade 3,500 Texas babies (equal to the entire population of Winnsboro, TX) for one snapshot of Pax Jolie-Pitt.

Have a nice day! :-)

Comments

[winski]

this is the most fucked up thing i've read in a while.
but it needed to be said.

[Whup-Ass Master]

shucks, winks...you know we're a sick bastardo. WAM

[Fleur de-Lish]

Incredible math skills. I commend you. I wonder what a President is worth....

[Whup-Ass Master]

Howdy Fleur! Hmmmm...what indeed is a president worth? Our current "president?" And in dollars or unwanted Tex-tots? WAM