Hi there. I have decided to take a break from riding on the bitch seat of Harleys and not telling the press where my next press conference is happening so I can talk about my answer to that "gotcha" question a rude Boston reporter asked me about Paul Revere and I want to talk about other stuff also.
You know, us Republicans don't always get every single fact right. So okay I once said we've got to stand by our North Korean allies. Fine, Tim Pawlenty thinks we have soldiers in Iran. So what if Michele Bachmann thinks the Pilgrims landed in New Hampshire? And if Herman Cain doesn't know the difference between the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution, what's the big whoop-de-do? They were both written by the same bewigged homos who pranced about in tights. What does it matter anyway? True Americans don't care about facts. They care about guns and Jesus and keeping every negro in the White House backstairs, where they belong.
So okay, when I was asked about Paul Revere, I said:
"He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms uh by ringing those bells and making sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed."
And so now folks are saying I don't know history good. But that's a fib from the lame-stream media. Because history, as we know, is written by the victors (Obama/Biden), and they would like nothing better than to have you believe their socialist version of the story. But I'm riding a big bus now and it's my turn write history my way and stuff. And now, when decent Christians put on their teachin' stretch pants to home school their kids about Paul Revere, this is what they're going to learn:
Once upon a time, the British came to America to take our guns and give us abortions and force Obamacare down our throats. So Jesus got a bunch of Tea Partiers together and told them the red coats were planning to make Sam Adams and George Washington get gay married at the statue of liberty. Then Betsy Ross leaned out of a Church tower holding two lanterns and screamed "remember the Alamo!" And that's when Paul Revere got on his horse and started riding up to the red coats and ringing his bell and stuff and then the British got mad and flew kamikaze airplanes into the Pentagon. After that, some Democrats tried to change the story to make it about how Paul Revere was really warning the colonists about a coming squirmish with the redcoats and they would have gotten away with it too if I didn't refutiate it on the YouTube, causing my fans (aka True Americans TM) to go on Wikipedia and change it back the way it should have been. The End.