From the Desk of United States Representative Steve King (R-IA)
*** FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE***
Ten score and whatever years ago, a bunch of negro boys started a-buildin' this here capitol thingy. But it ain't like they done it out of the goodness of their tap-dancin' hearts. You reckon they was a-hoistin' these stones and spit-polishing these banisters outa patriotism? No, ma'am! The folks who owned 'em practically had to use a bullwhip to get 'em to lift a damn finger.
Today, pastey good ol' boys been a-circle-jerkin in this here buildin' for two hundred some-odd years. Slaving away, sometimes for minutes a day, passin laws that gave you Afromericans yer own schools, drinkin' fountains and neighborhoods! And I'm a-sposed to say "thank you?"
Leave it to them hippy Demon-crats to pass a bill that says "oh, yeah...thanks for that." Why, iff'n them negros wasn't buildin' the Capitol they'd a-been a-shim-shammin' in the minstrel shows and smokin the crack and makin oreo babies with our virtuous lil' darlins while caterwaulin' their nasty cop-killing rap-hop music.
Look a-here, you people still got jobs workin' here, sweepin the halls and scrubbin the terlits! Shoot, this here capitol been keepin' y'all off the welfare so's you can take home a generous minimum wage paycheck (which I keep a-votin' not to increase, just so's y'all don't get to uppity)! Heck, how's about we pass a law that says "Yer Welcome?"
But nosiree-bob, them free-luvin partisan commie faggits lubed up this bill with K-Y and shoved it thru congress by a narrow margin of 399 to 1.
Okay so I was the "1," but that just goes to show that Congriss is a bunch of pinko Aunt Jemima golliwogs who spend their days rusty trombonin' Al Sharpton and a-jerkin' and a-twitchin' to Lucifer's ooga-booga music (e.g., Nat King Cole, Johnny Mathis, Fiddy). I think it's cause that uppity fat gal on the teevee with the sweet rack is fillin America's noggin' with fool notions about equality (Oprah needs to shut her fat yap and build her own damn capitol, that's what).
But y'all gots to stop a-callin me a racist. Sure, one time I done compared immigrants to cattle, but that's just 'cause they always lolly-gaggin out in the field acting all lazy. But I loves me the coloreds. I reckon they got their own feelins and they think real thoughts jus' like normal folks. Why just the other day when that cute little fella polished my tassled wing-tips with a sho-nuff smile and a polite "yassum" attitude, I toss that boy a quarter. Sure, he prolly gonna go spend it on the devil-reefer. But I'm a Christian.
I don't judge.
Steve King sez: "I vote for saying 'thank you' for subscribing to this blog's feed."