Somebody gimme a HO-oh! Sup, mo-fos? It be almos two f*ckin weeks since your girl Foxy get jiggy on da news tip. Whoop! So check it. Yessadee a ho go walkin froo da park. Foxy be finkin bout Michelle Bobama and strawberry ice cream and shizzle when all a sudden a big-azz black brovah jump out of da bushes. "Ooo! Ooo! Don't jump a sistah, punk!" I sez. "I bust some Kung-Fu shizzle on yo azz! Foxy fro dat sh*t!" Datz when Foxy rekka-nize a brovah and the convo went sumpin like this:
"Tyler Perry, whatchoo doin in da damn bushiz?"
"Hello Foxy" he say. "A brovah be takin a short cut, is all."
Suddenly a cracka-azz mailman comin out da same bushiz, and he zippin up his fly. "Punk, you been givin dat white dude's gonch steak a throat massage?"
Tyler ackin all jumpy and whatnot. "Oh please, Miss Foxy. Don't go rappin' bout how Madea suckin' honkey dong in da bushiz!"
Foxy say "Tell you what, punk. Sit yo azz down for a kick-azz innavoo on da Foxy News Channel, and a ho forget she evah saw yo gay azz takin a mailman's special delivery up yo stank-azz male slot."
So Tyler Perry gonna be on my show, mo-fos! An Foxy be a lady of her word, so I ain't gonna spit no rhyme 'bout what a homo dat cat be. Respeck.
On da self improobmint tip, Foxy finish dat triflin book bout a cracka ho name Nancy-azz Drew. Sh*t. She make a bitch wanna slap her family. Now Foxy fixin to read a book call "Anne-bitch of Green-azz Gables." It be all 'bout a ginger-azz orphan bitch. If dat ho starts singin shizzle 'bout tomorrow, Foxy gonna reach into those pages an choke a bitch out. Whoop!
Today's espizode of Foxy News is gonna be short. A few days ago, a ho sit down to spit rhyme wif Chris Brown (dat punk who used to have a career befo he won a round of "I bet I can knock a ho silly" against hiz girl Rihanna). Check it:
FOXY BROWN: Somebody gimme a HO-oh! Check it, punks. Foxy chillaxin wif her boy Chris Brown.
CHRIS BROWN: Sup Foxy, bitch.
FB: Fist bump a ho.
CB: For real-real.
FB: So Foxy tryin to lay some queshinz on yo azz.
CB: Then you gots to lay dat shizzle on a brovah.
FB: Okay. Do you fink you gonna walk outa here wif yo nuts?
CB: Huh? OUCH!!
FB: Foo, why you hittin Foxy in the fist wif yo face? Punk sez what?
CB: What? OOF!! You buggin!
FB: Ooo! I'm sorry. Did I just bust the toe off my Ferra-f*ckin-gamo boot in yo azz?
FB: Oops. Was dat yo ear, punk? I thought it was a Cheese Doodle. Should a lady swallow this piece or keep chewin?
FB: Oh, now Foxy gots to have her publicist issue whatchoo call an aplollogy "Foxy be all sorry an' shit for yankin Chris Brown's balls off an shovin' them in his eye sockets." Hey! Knock-knock.
FB: Foxy say "knock-knock" punk!!
CB: Who's there?
CB: Gitmo who?
FB: You gonna gitmo ass-whuppin, you punk-ass mo-fo!
FB: Dat be it fo dis edition of da Foxy News Channel. A bitch is fixin to get all Dick Cheney on this punk's ass. Till nex time! Respeck!!
Tyler Perry sez: "I love my subscription to the COWA feed and I'm not a homo."