Somebody gimme a HO-ho! Sup punks. This be Foxy to the what? To da B, mo-fos. A sistah gots to spit some rhyme 'bout what all she be up to. Jus yessadee a ho go to Taco B cause she need to get her some chalupa. There be some fat azz cracka ho orderin an she takin too long. I say "dayum, bitch! It all just tortillas beans and cheese! Order a f*ckin encharito befo Foxy cut yo azz!" She look at me an say "shup up, stoopid!" Dat's when Foxy rekkanize her. She be dat fat bitch Mindy Cohn from dat triflin' Facks o' Life show! "Yo, Natalie," I sez. "Step yo azz aside befo Foxy cut some bacon off yo fat back!" And she say "whatever, Tootie." And I sez "who da f*ck you callin Tootie??" Dat's when Foxy bus' out some kung fu moves and slam dat bitch's face into da counter. "Mrs. Garret don't work here, mo-fo!" I sez. "We gots a black affikan merican prezadint now, an Tootie own yo fat azz!" Whoop!
On da self improobmint tip, Foxy be readin a book call Nancy Drew and da Secrit in da Old-Ass Attic. It be all 'bout some nosey cracka bitch who go pokin in other peep's bidness. Dat ho gonna git some caps busted in her azz, dat's fo sho. Respeck.
On today's espizode of da Foxy News Channel, a bitch be spittin rhyme wif da Haggards. Ted Haggard be dat cracka-azz preacher man who doin meff and gittin effed in hiz "A" on da DL. Yessadee he go on Oprah an' soon he fixin to be on HB f*ckin O. Now he and his dayum foo wife-bitch sittin down fo a innavoo wif yo girl Foxy. Check it.
FOXY BROWN: Somebody gimme a HO-ho! Check it, foo. Foxy be chillaxin wif her homeboy Ted Haggard an' his ho Gayle. Sup punks.
TED HAGGARD: Hello Miss Brown.
GAYLE HAGGARD: Hi, Foxy.
FB: Fist bump a ho.
TH: It's a lovely day, Praise Jesus.
FB: Yeah praise his azz. So how come you go on Oprah Winfie talkin 'bout how straight you are?
TH: My therapist told me I'm a heterosexual with issues.
FB: True dat, punk. Do one of those issues be dat you like takin it up yo stank-azz poo hole?
GH: Foxy, we don't speak Negro. But I think you said "poo" and we don't like potty talk.
FB: Bitch, yo f*ggit-azz husbind look gayer that Kanye. Look in his eye, ho. Right now he be finkin 'bout Antonio f*ckin Banderas pushin his ankles behind hiz gay head. How come you don't notice dat shizzle?
GH: I just thought he was a sensitive man who uses hairspray and listens to Tammy Wynette.
FB: Don't front a ho, he look like he fixin to fly out of here on a cloud of f*ckin fairy dust.
GH: Well I suspected he had naughty thoughts about man-fannies, but I prayed to Jesus to make it go away.
TH: We also prayed for Gayle's vagina to stop making me cry.
FB: Chile, I pray fo Jesus to make my azz Queen o' F*ckin England.
TH: Me too! Praise!
FB: Don't it be true dat some punk gay boy from yo cracka church say you wank yo tube steak in his face?
GH: Don't judge, Foxy.
TH: One man's bukkake is another man's communion.
FB: Let's play a f*ckin word assosimation game. Coo?
TH: I like games.
FB: Coo. Say da firs word dat come to yo gay-azz mind. Firs word: divine.
TH: Angry spitting trouser snake.
FB: Dat's four words, mo-fo. Nex word: rapture.
TH: Meth fueled butt-banging poppers-crazed truck drivers.
FB: Last word: hymnal.
TH: Vocal selections from "Hello, Dolly!"
FB: Dat's it, dis innavoo be triflin. Get yo gay azz off my couch.
GH: Jesus be with you, Ms. Brown.
FB: Whatevah, ho.
Ted Haggard is praying that you'll subscribe to this blog's feed.