NEW YORK -- Somebody gimme a HO-oh! Sup punks? A sistah gots some shizzle to lay on yo azz. Firs, Foxy done got her weave did yessadee. Who you fink be in da bootie shop gettin her nasty hair pie waxed? It be dat fat bitch from Cellblock D, dat be who. You know, da one who's nasty muff Foxy punch every Tuesday fo a pack of bajinya slimz? Dayum, ho. It be almos' a year since Foxy get out da joint for frowin dat sh*t. So, dat country ho say "sup, foo." And Foxy say "sup, mo-fo." And she say "I be gettin my muff smoov just fo you, Foxy." And I say "check yoself, foo. Foxy don't do dat lesbo shizzle no mo." Soon I be fistin her stuff in da baffroom. Don't judge a ho, Foxy be outa smokes. Respeck.
On da self improobmint tip, Foxy finish dat book call "Goodnight, Moon-bitch." It be all 'bout some f*ggot-azz bunny tryin to fall asleep. But some old-azz bitch be sittin in da corner goin "hush yo gay bunny azz." It blow a sistah's mind, yo. Now a ho be fixin to read "Harold and His Purple-azz Crayon." It be all 'bout some cracka baby scribblin his tag every damn place. Foxy like to slap his gay azz.
On dis espizode of da Foxy News Channel, a ho be kickin back wif dat fine-azz bitch Beyonce. Feel dat, punks.
FOXY BROWN: Check it, mo-fos. Foxy be spittin mad rhyme wif my girl Be-what? Yonce. Whoop! Sup girlfrin?
BEYONCE KNOWLES: Hello, Foxy.
FB: Dat dress look like yo mamma sewed it wif her feet, yo.
BK: You best lay off my momma. Beyonce like to cut a bitch.
FB: Foo. Don't go sickin yo ugly sistah on a bitch like Michael Vick's putbull.
BK: Come correck, bitch.
FB: Respeck. So how come you lets yo black azz be all crackered up on dat triflin magazine? It be coo to be a black-azz Affikan American, now. We gots Borat Bobama in da white crib.
BK: Foo, Beyonce fixin to take off her pumps slap yo hearin aid cross da room, yo.
FB: Dis be whatchoo call a cochlear implant, mo-fo.
BK: Ooo, Beyonce be gettin cockular implants every night since she marry Jay Z's fine azz.
FB: Please, dat punk so fat da back of his nasty neck look like a pack of hotdogs.
BK: I bust some kung fu shizzle on yo azz, foo.
FB: Chillax, ho. Foxy tryin to lay some queshins on yo azz.
BK: Then you gots to lay dat shizzle on a sistah.
FB: Whassup wif dat triflin Sasha Fierce sh*t?
BK: Sasha Fierce be my smokin' alter-f*ckin-ego, bitch. I gets up on stage and my vajayjay start vibratin and my booty be buckin 'round like a bronco at da hip-hop rodeo. I gets all worked up and dats when Sasha Fierce show up. You follow a sistah?
FB: How come black folk gots to change they names like dirty underpants? First, Prince get it in his f*ggit-azz noggin to be call "the artist" then he be some gay ass letter dat look all chineezy. And Puff Daddy be P. Diddy then he be Doodie-Diddle-Daddle. Shit, girl. If a cracka bitch wake up one day wif a diff'rent name, they call dat ho Sybil.
BK: Check yoself, ho. Yo name ain't Foxy Brown, yo real name be Inga Marchand.
FB: Bitch, Foxy ain't in no marchin' band.
BK: I fink yo hearin aid need new batteries, you feel a ho?
FB: Whatzit? Check it. Foxy gots a new name too.
BK: Lay it on a bitch, foo.
FB: Foxy's new name be Idona Gibbashitz.
BK: Chile, dat sound country.
FB: Don't diss a ho, Foxy fro dat sh*t. You be Sasha Fierce, and Idona Gibbashitz.
BK: Ack!!! Argh!!!
FB: Oooo, whatchoo doin? Why you jerkin about wif foam comin out yer mouf? Yo, Beyonce!!
BK: Beyonce isn't here, Mrs. Torrence. I am Sasha Fierce!! HA!!
FB: Whatchoo do wif Beyonce?
BK: I tie dat ho up in da basement, foo. I am Sasha Fierce!! HA!!
FB: Chile, dis innavoo be triflin.
BK: I am Sasha! And Sasha be Fierce! I am Sasha Fierce!! HA!!
FB: Don't bug out on a sistah, just take us into the commercial break, foo.
BK: We be right back, suckaz! This is Sasha Fierce!!
FB: And Idona Gibbashitz. Respeck.
Sasha Fierce subscribes to the Whup-Ass feed. Respeck.