HOLLYWOOD -- When ancient negro-baiter and erstwhile cowboy portrayer Clint Eastwood decided to make a movie about a woman who misplaces her baby, he decided to cast a woman who collects ethno-toddlers like stamps and shills their pictures to gossip rags for fun and profit before consigning them to the ever-expanding baby-zoo in the basement of her Malibu estate. Yes, her royal bodaciousness, known as "mommy hottest" to Zahara, Shilo, Knox, Vivienne and "those two Chineezy lookin' dudes" (as her loving boy-toy calls them), stars in Eastwood's latest negro-free cinematic endeavor called "The Changeling" in hopes that she can once again treat America to the sight of some incest-y bro-on-sis tongue wrestling as she claims her second golden statuette.
Seen here posing for paps on the red carpet of some uppity Eurotrash film festival, the withered auteur proudly gushes over Ms. Jolie's considerable talents. Luckily, our covert army of undercover ninjas was able to conceal a microphone in Dirty Harry's pacemaker (seen here going into overdrive). A partial transcript of their conversation has been provided below for your vicarious entertainment. You're welcome.
CLINT EASTWOOD: That's what I call a double feature.
ANGELINA JOLIE: Well you said you wanted to meet the twins.
CE: I meant Sox and Marengue.
AJ: Knox and Vivienne.
CE: Whatever. I can't get used to the fruity names you punks give to your uterus plop.
AJ: You sound like my ass-hat republican dad.
CE: You mean that guy who played a homo hooker and a gimp who sexes up Hanoi Jane?
AJ: He's acted like a total buttwipe since that time he walked in on me and my brother playing "Flowers in the Attic."
CE: Enough about that has-been.
AJ: Oh my God! Is that Spike Lee?
CE: No, that's a valet. That squat little uppity negro knows better than to tap-dance his way into my premier. I've had enough of his belly-aching just because I prefer to blow up cracker actors in my war movies.
AJ: Well I put on blackface for my last movie. Does that count?
CE: Sure, toots. Whatever. So where's Pretty-boy McPowderpuff?
AJ: He's supposed to be cleaning the cages of the baby zoo, but I'll bet my left nipple ring he's off doing somersaults with Maddox at Gymboree.
CE: Baby, why are you with that fairy-bitch Breck girl? You need a real man.
AJ: Calm down, grandpa. I left your defibrillator in the limo.
CE: Can't blame a guy for trying.
AJ: Um, Mr. Eastwood?
CE: Yes, baby-doll?
AJ: Kindly remove your finger from my buttcrack.
Clint sez: "Go ahead, punk. Subscribe to this blog's feed. Make my day."