Somebody gimme a HO-oh! Check it, mo-fos. Foxy be chillaxin in da boogie-down Park Slope, where a bitch's crib be at. Firs, a ho gots to lay some whatchoo call personal shizzle on yo azz. A sistah be puffin' trees the other day, whatchin doze white bitches on da View gangin up on my girl Whoopie. That sistah lay into Lizziebiff Has-a-whatzit an rip dat white bitch a new vajayjay, mo-fos. Whoopie do not play. Foxy like to see those hos swingin' blades in da prizizzin yard, yo. Whoopie prolly lose half her weave but Lizziebiff like to git her azz cut up. Respeck. So yessadee Foxy be in da laydee's room at m*therf*ckin Sak's Fif Abbanoo an who you fink be poopin in da nex stall, y'all? Da Whoops bitch herself, dat be who. Foxy slip a shank to dat ho under the divider an say "yo, Whoopie...nex time Lizziebiff spit disraspeckful rhyme 'bout my boy Balack Bobama, you bess cut dat bitch up, foo."
Oh and check dis, punks. Last week, Foxy get her some. A lady be habbin some Froot Loops when one o' dem More-menz dudes come knockin at a sistah's crib. Who be dat? I sez. Turn out to be a honkey dude wif a clip-on tie spittin' shizzle all 'bout some punk name John Smiff and bitchin bout how dat ho Marie Oz-men get her azz robbed on Dancin Wif da M*therf*ckin Starz. Foxy take dat boy up to her bedroomz and ride hiz pink pony til he be sobbin like a baby. Whoop!
On da self improobmint tip, Foxy finish readin some book call "Goodnight, Moon-bitch." It be all 'bout some f*ggit-azz bunny who be all buzzin on meff or sumpin cuz his azz can't f*ckin fall asleep. He be sayin "goodnight" to evry damn fing in his room, yo. An there be some spooky old bitch in da corner who go "hush" all da time. Did dat ho ever fink maybe da bunny punk could catch a zee if she haul her fat azz out his room? Sh*t. If Foxy be dat bunny I jump outa bed and slap the wrinkles out dat bitch. True dat.
On dis week's espizode of da Foxy News Channel, a sistah haul her bootie up to da You-Nightid Nayshins, to do a azz-kickin innavoo wif dat punk-azz prezadint from some gay country call itself I-ranned. His name be sumpin like Mammy-mood I'm-a-damn-whoz-a-whatzit. Check it, foo.
FOXY BROWN: Somebody gimme a HO-ho! Yo, punks. Foxy be reppazintin at da You-Nightid Nayshinz. Feel dat. A ho spittin rhyme wif her boy Mammy-mood I'm-a-damn-whoz-a-whatzit, da m*therf*ckin prezadint of I-ranned. Respeck.
MAMMY-MOOD I'M-A-DAMN-WHOZ-A-WHATZIT: Hello and greetings Miss Brownie Fox Lady.
FB: Dayum, foo...you jus drop a stink-biscuit?
MI: I am not to understanding.
FB: You smell like a damn fart, punk.
MI: We are not to having farts in Iran like you in America.
FB: Why you smilin, punk? You fink you gittin wif Foxy's stuff? Just cuz sistah fist da muff of dat fat bitch wif da razors in her weave back in Rikers, dat don't mean a lady don't gots no standards. Foxy ain't gittin wif yo stank-azz bidniz, yo. So why you be at da You-Nightid Nayshinz, punk?
MI: I am to being here for the general assembly.
FB: Foxy don't unnastand what dat mean, but it soun' triflin.
MI: DEATH TO ISRAEL!!!
FB: Oooo! Sit yo damn azz down, mo-fo. Don't be jumpin up an screamin like dat, like to make a lady poop her panties. Damn! A sistah gots some queshinz to lay on yo azz.
MI: Then you are to laying that shizzle onto a brother, praise allah.
FB: You spit jive-azz rhyme all 'bout how I-ranned don't got no f*ggits. So how come you be lynchin so many homos that the treez 'round Tay-ron be lookin like Martin Loofer King day at David Duke's house?
MI: Homosex men are being abominations in the eyes of allah.
FB: Foo, nobody be a-bombin nations more than America. You keep spittin yo spooky azz rhyme, we be a-bombin yo nation next. Respeck.
MI: If imperialist American scum to make pow bombs with Iran, we will rise up and defeat you pigs.
FB: Please, ho. Whatchoo gonna do, send a suicide camel into a tank? Bitch we f*ck your hairy stank-azz monkey bitches up. Feel dat.
MI: I am to being done with this interview.
FB: Foo, you gots to take a baff. Yo azz smell like the rhino crib at da Bronx zoo. Respeck.
Mahmoud sez: "death to all infidels who subscribe to the COWA feed!!"