- THE POOPENBURG: An enormous pile of dog poop recently became unmoored, wreaking terror and havoc in its wake. No, Rush Limbaugh didn't go off his meds. In fact, a house-sized inflatable dog poop sculpture by artist Paul McCarthy was displayed in the courtyard of a Swiss museum when a gust of wind ripped it from its tethers. Like a surreal, scatological Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, the pooch plop balloon flew the length of two football fields, taking down a power line and finally coming to rest in the playground of a childrens home. The despondent children are currently in counseling for post-traumatic stress.
- GUESS WHAT? CHICKEN BUTT!! Inventors are peculiar creatures. One wonders how they get all their smart ideas. They're so inventive! Case in point: click here to marvel at the breathtaking ingenuity behind Patent No. 4899421, issued in 1990. The contraption in question was designed to vacuum the poop from the buttholes of dead chickens as they glide along the conveyor belt of a poultry processing plant. Dear inventor of Patent No. 4899421: we applaud your genius, and frankly it's a load off our mind that our McNuggets were made from chickens with clean-as-a-whistle rectums. However, we feel a sudden pang of sympathy for your family, who had to endure countless months of trial and error before you had your "eureka" moment and knew you'd created the world's first automated dead chicken ass-hoover.
- PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: The good people of Denver would like you to know that if you decide to visit their fair city, they'd prefer it if you didn't walk around carrying poop. Thank you.
- DANE COOK'S REIN OF DOG POOP TERROR: Dane Cook, the hilarious arena comedian who's dazzling career seems destined to follow the meteoric trajectory blazed by Andrew Dice Clay and Joe Piscopo, has been found guilty by a jury of his peers for terrorizing his neighbors at the La Fontaine in Beverly Hills. Mr. Cook's mini-Pinscher (cleverly named "Beast") has allegedly pooped on virtually every square inch of common area in the ultra-classy apartment complex. And the Cook-man, mega-star that he is, has taken a cue from Korea's enormously popular Dog Poop Girl by refusing to clean it up. So he's been evicted. We call "shenanigans." We rather suspect his former neighbors would happily re-endure the indignity of scraping Beast turds from the soles of their Uggs if it meant ridding themselves of the Danester.
- THIS WILL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES: No this is not an LSD flashback. It's simply a horrifying Japanese "How to Poop" Cartoon. Delight yourselves as these creepy tiger-people sing songs with their possessed toilet that instruct their aggressively obnoxious child how to properly drop Fat Man and Little Boy over poopland.
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