Somebody gimme a HO-oh! Check it, mo-fos. Dis las week a bitch come back from da boogie down Fort Lauderdale where a ho gots to make a f*ckin court appearintz (Foxy fro dat sh*t at a sassy cashier in da byootie sto cuz she fink she cute). Donchoo know it, soon as Foxy park her azz to watch her some Projick Runway (a ho Tivo dat shizzle, yo), da doorbell ring. Who be crashin a sistah's crib, dawg? It turn out to be some gay-azz Chineezian punk tryin to serve Foxy wif papers, yo. See, there be some peeps at Simon and Jewster who gots they draws in a knot cuz they give a ho some green to rite whatchoo call a f*ckin otto-big-oggle-fee (dat be when a ho spit rhymes bout her own azz). Now they want they bills back cuz a bitch can't be boverd to do dat shizzle. So a sistah drag dat Chineezian kat inside an she f*ck dat boy so long an hard she gots to scrape his moo-goo-guy-pan off da ceilin, yo. A sistah still gots lots of nas-tay to make up fo da time in prizzizzin, when da only akshun Foxy git was spit-shinin da stank ass muff of dat ho from Cellblock D, da one wif da lazy eye who gots razor blades in her weave. A sistah work dat ho's stuff ebbie toozday fo a pack of men-tall bajinya slims. Now ebbie time Foxy spark up a cig, I still be tryin to spit pubes out my mouf. Feel dat.
On da self improobmint tip, Foxy done finish readin dat book all bout dis shady dude name Sam-I-am who be all up in some punk's grill bout eatin some green-ass eggs and ham. Listen, dawg. He do not want no green f*ckin food. Give dat sh*t up, yo. He do not dig them wif a mouse. He do not play dat in no house. You work a sistah's nerve, punk. But donchoo know afta all dat sh*t a brovah go an eat dat shizzle anyway? Foxy be like "oooo, no he di-int!" Dat shizzle blow a bitch's f*ckin mind, mo-fos. Dayum. Nex book a sistah be readin be by da same dude. It be all 'bout a fox who gots some socks. Foxy crack dat book fo a peak, and she catch some off-da-hook rhymes all 'bout tweedle beetles f*ckin each other up wif paddles in a puddle. A sistah sho nuff be edumacatin her azz. Respeck.
On dis week's espizode of da Foxy News Channel, a ho be shootin da shizzle wif da L-Bu. Das right, mo-fos. Foxy be spittin rhymes wif da firs ho, Laura f*ckin B to da Bush. Feel dat, suckaz.
FOXY B: Somebody gimme a HO-oh! Check it, bitches. Foxy be chillaxin in da Whizzite Hizzouse, dawgs. Feel dat. A sistah be parkin her ba-donk-a-donk on da same sofa dat Linkin prolly did dat Mary-Todd ho up her poo hole. And now I be rappin' wif my girl Laura-to-da-B-Bush, da firs ho!
LAURA BUSH: Hello, Foxy. Welcome to the White House.
FB: Word. Fist bump a sistah.
LB: You look like a negro. Do you tap dance?
FB: Huh? Girl you gots to speak up. My hearing aid batteries be whack.
LB: Is that rap-hop talk?
FB: Bitch, dis crib be off-da-hook. You gonna show a sistah where dat fat ho Moanica Lajewski be givin Clizzintin's pink pony a mouf-hug?
LB: Are you the new maid? If you are, I'd like a fresh Rum-and-Mr-Pibb. And don't be stingy with the Xanax this time.
FB: Huh? Yo, check it. A sistah gots some queshins she tryin to lay on yo azz.
LB: Well, then. I think you should go right ahead and lay that shizzle on a ho.
FB: Foo, why yo retarded huzbind gots to go f*ckin up ebbie-thang?
LB: You talk funny. Are you magic?
LB: Sometimes after my fourth Xanax I have long chats with a magic negro who lives in the Rose Garden. We eat cheese and ride unicorns to Europe. He likes it when I pee on him.
FB: Howz dat? Damn hearing aid! Work a sistah's nerve, yo! So, bitch. Foxy tryin to see yo bedroom, dawg. I gots to see where yo retarded huzbind do to a bitch what he do to New Orleans.
LB: Oh! I know who you are! You're that mean negro lady who wants to move in here! You're Michele bin Laden Mohammed Fatwah Hussein Jihad Obama!
FB: No fanks, bitch. A sistah done git her fill of dat lesbo shizzle in prizzizzin. Fanks fo axin tho.
LB: Don't you touch my Franklin Mint Barbara Mandrell Commemorative China Collection!
FB: Okay, foo. Foxy fist yo muff one time. Bend yo azz over dat ottoman where Ike done did da doggie wif dat Mamie ho.
LB: Condoleeza, you're so funny!