As duper-super extra-glorious nation of China get ready for happy good Orympics, we take a stop for to say a lucky happy Earth Day to all the world peoples! We make big "celebrate good times come on" just like Kool-san and Gang of Four! Today is time for world peoples to stop making frowny belligerent sad noise about poop-eating Tibet peoples. Now for to end unlucky shouty stuff when Orympic torch make glorious fun parades. Mean TV news peoples to stop calling us "thugs and goons," or we to make shooty pow-pow! We do kung-fu at your ugly face! 2008 be Year of Rat!! How you rike us now, Mr. Cafferty??
But we transform the subject. Today is happy laughy Earth Day. We to not say frowny words about big floaty boat of bombs and guns China try sail to Zimbabwe so Mugabe-san can shooty-pow-pow sassy negroes who not vote right. WHY YOU STOP BOAT?? If poopy USA can send bombstuffs to unlucky belligerent Taiwan peoples, China can send pow guns to sad negroes!! You to keep this stuffs up and WE NOT TO EAT THE BIG MAC NO MORE! We make stompy noise with foot! We make mad sound!! You to put them apples in your pipe and smoke it!
Earth Day is happy fun time, so we can be not thinking about rude lies in smelly-sad Times of New York about duper-super Chinese pills that act killy because we to putting oopsy fun poison inside. We Chinese, we play joke, pee-pee in your pill for stroke! Ha-ha!! We also not thinking of smelly bad French peoples for to try blow out Orympic torch and then give unlucky prize to poop-eating Dalai Lama!! We make funny poem about it: "Homos prance, Poop their pants, Dance a stupid can-can dance, Then go home and poke their Aunts, That's what peoples do in France!" Happy joke! Ha-ha!!
But seliousry. Today is happy Earth Day! So laughy fun Chinese peoples cereblate by to do many happy stuffs:
- We to use solar-powered cattle prods for to re-educate evil bad Tibet peoples. Jokey fun!
- China to not waste energy on to light court rooms, frowny subverters of state secrets go to happy fun jail without trial. Smiley face!
- We try only to dump 500 million tons of poop into Yangtze River this year, instead of 1 billion. Yay!
- We have plan to curb air pollution deaths: If sad unlucky peoples fall over and play "pretend to be dead" game after breathing yummy fun Beijing air, we will shove funny happy bamboo shims under their Momma-san's fingernails! Wheeee!
- For to make Beijing to have flowers and trees, we pulverize nearby mountain! Happy Earth Day!!