ABU DHABI -- Laura Bush (Xanax posterwoman, henpecker of the Burmese Junta) has embarked on a whirlwind tour of the middle east to chat with heavily cloaked womenfolk about boob rot. Seen here with her legs tightly crossed (she's learned, through unfortunate experience, to be on her guard during photo ops in foreign monarchies), our First Lady is fashionably clad in her favorite gray pants suit (from Dress Barn's short-lived "Chairman Mao" line) and flanked by two piles of black cloth as she waits for the ordeal to run its course. Fortunately, our undercover spies disgracefully cloaked themselves in burkas and recorded their whispered conversation:
LAURA BUSH: I'm so embarrassed...I didn't know we were supposed to wear costumes!
WOMAN ON LEFT: Costumes?
LB: I like your Obi Wan Kanobi outfit.
WOL: This is hijab.
LB: Hijab...I don't remember him. Was he an ewok or a jawa?
LB: (turning to woman on right) In our country we make scary ghost costumes out of white sheets.
WOMAN ON RIGHT: I see you're dressed as Auntie Mame's houseboy.
LB: You talk funny! Are you magic?
WOR: I'm a breast cancer survivor.
LB: Right! I remember!
WOL: We both are. That's why you're here.
LB: Do they make all women with boob rot wear black sheets? That's barbaric!
WOR: We told you. It's hijab.
LB: There's that funny word again. You sure you're not magic?
WOL: Please, Allah...let them take our pictures so we can get away from this woman.
WOR: You are an imperialist infidel!
LB: Yeah well at least in America girls can drive cars and we don't prance around dressed like ninja nuns!
WOL and WOR: IT'S HIJAB!
LB: You really shouldn't go around making up words. I know whereof I speak. I was a teacher, and that word is a bunch of Arabese flapdoodle.
WOR: "Hijab" means devout clothing.
LB: Poppycock! Hijab was the jawa who sold R2D2 to Luke Skywalker. Anywho, I'm glad Dress Barn doesn't sell black sheet-dresses. They'd make me look "hippy." Besides, if you girls wore something a little prettier and showed a little knee, maybe your husbands wouldn't go bringing new wives home every other day. Now, if you'll excuse me I don't have any more time to play Star Wars with you. My mid-morning rum-and-Dr. Pepper is waiting in my limo and I've got a Burmese Junta to annoy. Bye!