Totally Exclusive!! Jenna Bush's Diary

Our morally ambiguous team of covert spies has unearthed another gem. Reeking of Gap perfume, i's dotted with hearts throughout, we submit Jenna Bush's diary for your mirth and entertainment. Sure, we feel a pang of guilt about airing the private thoughts of America's favorite booger-sugar aficianado; however, when we consider her Daddy's privacy-invading wiretapping policy, the bad feeling quickly passes. Enjoy!

Twozday (sic) Oggist (sic) 14: Dear Dairy, (sic) Went 2 see my twat doctor 2-day and he sez that icky infection is like totally gone! Woo-hoo! I sellabrated (sic) by having one of Daddy's secrit (sic) serviss (sic) dudes score some chronic doobage on his lunch hour. LOL!

Winzday (sic) Oggist 15: Dear Dairy, I had that dreem (sic) last nite that Ganny was eating negrows (sic) in New Orleens (sic). The momster and me were gonna work on our book thingy 2-nite but she had 4 xanatinis and ended up staggering around the rose garden talking to invisible furry men again. So me and the BF went 2 see Rush Hour 3 which was like hella-hilarious. LOL! Gave his little fireman a mouth hug in the limo coming home. I bit him when we hit a pothole and he screamed like a girl. I think maybe I nocked (sic) a filling loose :-(

Thirdsday (sic) Oggist 16: Dear Dairy, Mr. Turdblossom told my family to send out the press releese (sic) about me and my BF getting mareed (sic). I'm like "hello...like, finally!" LOL! At dinner Daddy kept tryin to make BF pull his finger. He's so gay. Gampy started crying during grace and Ganny smacked him. It was totally hilarious. ROTFLMAO! My stoopid twin what's-her-face war (sic) a slutty dress to dinner and Daddy kept looking at her boobs. Can we say "gross?" Butt (sic) the BF didn't look at my stoopid sister's boobs all nite. Wonder if he's a faggit (sic).

Fryday (sic) Oggist 17: Dear Dairy, The momster and me had a fite (sic) this morning about that retardid (sic) book for stoopid kids. She sez my spelling sux. That's when her cigaret (sic) got too close and she totally ashed on my new Express capri pants. So I told her to bite me. Got a letter from one of those gross smelly UNICEF retards in Panima (sic). I went there cuz (sic) Turdblossom sed (sic) it was good publissaty (sic), not to make a BFF! Duh! I hated it their (sic). There (sic) icky food gave me the runs :-( But they had killer booger-suger! LOL!!

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND, BITCHES!