KIEV -- Eurovision, the lamest contest ever, is gearing up for quite a battle. It would appear that the Chernobyl-poisoned land of Ukraine has spawned one Verka Serduchka. She's a horrifying drag queen whose disco act is defiantly tacky, and aggressively retarded.
Not all of her countrymen are thrilled with the notion of this unholy collision of polka, disco, and transvestitism representing their beloved (albeit dangerously radioactive) country in the Eurotrash song contest. Her substantial effigy has been burned. Burly vodka-soaked men are slurring rude things about her in Russian and menacing the restive streets of dazzling downtown Kiev.
We say click here to witness the ghastly bitch "perform" her twisted single 'Tanzen' and tell us it's not fascinating in a "plane crashing in a slow-motion cartwheeling ball-of-flames" kind of way. We truly cannot rip our eyeballs away from the sad spectacle of this monstrous tub of guts gyrating and grinding to her head-splitting music. We are particularly fond of the two fairy boys flanking the zaftig Ms. Serduchka, prancing about in shiny gold cub scout uniforms while the fat diva becomes increasingly winded from executing her unique take on the funky chicken (chicken kiev, mayhaps?).
Go on. We DARE you.