From the desk of Sen. Hillary Clinton:
"After days and days listening and dialoguing and communicating and conversing with you, the American people, I have decided to clarify my clarification regarding earlier remarks designed to clarify my position on the alleged immorality of all things faggoty.
First let me say that I am a woman. A female. I have an "inny" rather than an "outie" and that means I like to talk and listen and converse and talk. It also means I can say something, then listen to someone talk about why what I said is wrong. Then I can say that I agree with them, which might seem like a flip-flop but it's really just me, a woman, practicing my woman's perogative, saying what I think is right in a particular situation, and changing my mind cause I'm a woman. I look forward to having future dialogues about that conversation.
Earlier this week, as I was listening and dialoguing with the Gay Men's Health Crisis, General Pace was stating in an interview that he viewed homos to be immoral and felt vomity and irregular when he visualized what exactly two grunts might do in a foxhole. Then I, a woman, having finished listening to those gay men dialogue about their health crises, was asked if I agreed with the General's inconvenient remarks. I believe I responded by pointing to the sky and screaming "Oh my God! What's that??" Then I ran away when the question-asker looked up.
My campaign later issued a clarification about how I regretted the fact I appeared a tad side-steppy. My office also stated that as far as pansy boys go, immoral is as immoral does. Well, it seems even that came across as evasive to some folks. So let me state firmly and definitively exactly what my campaign advisors tell me I believe so we can put this behind us and continue talking about listening: I, Hillary Clinton, am in it to win it. I aim to be this country's first vagina-owning Commander in Chief. Your POTUS with the poontang. And with that in mind I firmly believe that there's nothing immoral about gayosity. Unless you disagree, in which case I look forward to that dialogue.
PS: Let's hope this icky issue is settled. I don't want to talk about it anymore."