PYONGYANG (KCNA) -- Dear Reverend Leader Kim Jong Il has new extra-smart lucky good plan for to defeat big mean imperialist fatsos of the USA. Let every child spy on grandma. If she belly-ache of no food, or if she make whiny noise about icy-freezy house, she is super-bad U.S. spy! Tell smiley nice neighborhood officer man today! He ship Grandma to lucky fun old lady re-educational torture camp/dog sausage plant. Dear Leader wants iPod! We will defeat obese American babyflesh consumers! Glorious nation of DPRK, we make big a-bomb now! Now ugly mean poop-eating U.S. imperialists give iPod! Or boom! Dear Leader want flatscreen! And Courvoisier! iPod! We make big laughing happy fun mushroom cloud on naked peoples in Hollywood! Then Dear Leader make laughing happy movie with Mr. Bush as silly puppet!! Ha Ha!! How you like us now?? Please give iPod now okay.